It’s that time of year when we turn our thoughts to New Year Resolutions.
We reflect on the past 12 months and review what we have done, everything we achieved, what we didn’t do that we had hoped to, and all the things that went wrong along the way.
Chances are you didn’t do everything you wanted to or meet all the targets you set yourself this time last year, when you promised yourself that ‘this year would be different’.
How is it that all those resolutions you made 12 months ago didn’t work out? After all you were pretty determined at the time to ‘make them happen’!
Well, change is a complex thing. There are lots of different factors at play.
First let’s consider our perspective.
Our brains are much more likely to remind us of what didn’t go to plan. That’s part of our in-built survival mechanism, governed by our ancient brain. It’s supposed to help us to avoid unpleasant and potentially dangerous experiences being repeated.
This is where we spend 80% of our time!
We can, however, move from our ancient brain to our higher or executive brain and adjust our perspective.
Now spend some time reflecting on what did go well, all the things, even the tiny things, you did achieve, including those that weren’t even in your plan!
At the very least you made it through another year on planet Earth!
So, make a list, yes grab a pen and paper and actually write down all your successes, big and small, then celebrate! Sing, dance, skip around the room or the garden, clap your hands, whoop, shout Yay! Do a physical thing that expresses your joy.
Feels better, yes?
So now you have some happy hormones circulating is the time to pay some attention to the obvious question…
Why, when I carefully list all my goals, don’t they work out?
How is it that we do just keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again?
How am I going to make this next year different? How am I going to make all the changes I want to?
You may have heard before this phrase, “if you keep doing what you always did, you will keep getting what you always got”. All this really means is that to change the outcome, you need to change the inputs. And that can be much more difficult than it sounds.
Even if you write out a plan, even a S.M.A.R.T. plan, it will remain just that, a plan. If you wrote it on a white board, made it into a document, filed it in your computer, unless you bring it to life, nothing will happen.
S.M.A.R.T. = Specific Measurable Achievable Relevant Time-bounded
Full of enthusiasm at the start, you might happily tick off a few of the early steps, but what then?
Life takes over, you get busy with work, family, friends, unexpected everyday challenges like something breaking down, children off school, someone falling ill, and if you are running a business all sorts of gremlins can turn up, all taking your attention away from your well crafted plan, which is quickly forgotten, the months tick by … until this time next year!
Try not to be hard on yourself about this. It happens to most people. It’s called life!
The good news is there are ways to avoid repeating the same cycle.
Here are a few tips to get you started.
1. Don’t be over ambitious
Now, that might sound counter intuitive. It is true that to get where we want to be, we need to set our sights higher than our target.
‘Aim for the stars and you might reach the top of the tree’ or similar sayings.
The realism comes in the timing part.
If we think of a list of all the things we want to achieve in the next 12 months, chances are we will pack in an unrealistic amount of work, so giving ourselves no chance of success.
Better to think of what we want to achieve in say 3 or 5 years, then work backwards from there to fit in all the steps needed to get there. Then make a plan on that basis.
If we go faster that’s fab, but also if we just stick to the more realistic plan, we will make more progress than we would have by trying to follow an unachievable plan.
‘How do you walk 20 miles? One step at a time!’
2. Time
Time, or lack of it, is what kills most ‘well laid plans’. Planning ahead to ring fence the time you need matters… a lot!
Look ahead in your calendar for the next 12 months, or even longer, and book out the time appropriate to what you need to do to bring your plan to life.
Do you need an hour a day, a day a week, a day a month, a week a month? Don’t under-estimate! Whatever it is, decide when in each day or week it is most likely that you can truly protect that block of time, away from all other life interruptions, and get it into your diary NOW!
Put a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on it!
While you are doing this is a good time to block out some ‘you-time’ for looking after your health and wellbeing too! Go ahead. Do it. You deserve it and you need it. Who’s going to run your ship if you go overboard?
3. Actions
Making the necessary actions achievable combines the work you have done on your plan and your time.
Again, work backwards from the end goal and mark in the calendar when specific actions need to take place.
If these involve other businesses, trades, contractors, suppliers, you need to get these actions in their diaries too as soon as possible.
Leaving arrangements late or to the last-minute puts pressure on you and them.
They will likely have a lead time before they can respond, which might be weeks or months, so get in contact with them as soon as possible.
Phone them, zoom with them, get them out for a meeting or site visit, agree what will be needed and most importantly, when it will be needed, and get that time booked in both of your diaries. If necessary, pay a deposit to secure your slot in their schedule.
4. Accountability
Involve someone else in your plans. Ask them to keep you accountable by regularly checking in on your progress.
If other people are helping you to deliver the plans, keep them accountable by regularly checking in with them on their progress.
5. Honesty
Be honest with yourself. Could there be some long held limiting beliefs limiting your chances of success? We develop self protective behaviours when we are very young in response to a world we cannot yet reason. Have you found yourself repeating mistakes of judgement about people or situations? Do you ignore ‘gut feelings’ and then regret that decision? Can you seem to simply not make money, lose weight, something else you have striven for for years?
This is when it is time to call on a life coach, to help you uncover, recognise, and release these unconscious belief systems that are stopping you from reaching your goals.
Jenny at Cup of Life Coaching can help you with this and all your other dreams!
If you just pay attention to these things, you will make progress!
Don’t forget to celebrate each step towards success. Give yourself a gold star on your planner, mark a big colourful ‘tick’ – whatever it takes to register every little success along the way to your goal.
It might seem silly but trust me, these tiny tangible rewards to yourself make all the difference!
Wishing you every success and a fantastic year ahead!
Should you need any help or support with all this planning and goal setting, or indeed deciding on the goals themselves, I’m here to help, so give me a call, or drop me a line.
jenny@cupoflife.co.uk 07887551743
Visit the website https://www.cupoflife.co.uk to discover more about what we do.
